So, I started full-time in October with our venture Valuesmatch and the quest to transform how people meet online. We want to bring more authentic human connection to the world, and to create relationships that last. It felt great, I was surrounded by people that were way more evolved and conscious than I was and I was facing a steep learning and growing curve, my favorite place to be. I had finally found a clear purpose that I identified passionately with, and I was fulfilling my lifelong dream of becoming an entrepreneur. It took off from the start and last fall was very busy, meeting new people almost every day. Time flew by and I felt such enormous gratitude for my new life. I was so wrapped up in it all I underestimated how vulnerable I still was to personal and circumstantial challenges.
The first challenge was that I was still in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend living in Barcelona, while I was living in Stockholm. As soon as more than three weeks went by without us seeing each other, it escalatingly became more and more challenging, creating some difficult weeks towards the end of the year. She had some vacation planned with her family over the holidays, but I still managed to come visit her and her family in Mexico for a few days around the year-end. It was dreamy. We had an amazing time and the sunny weather that I hadn’t even realized that I was missing back in wintery Sweden didn’t hurt. Which leads me to the second challenge I was about to face. Once I came back to reality to a dark, grey and cold Sweden where the daylight goes out sometime around 3 pm, it became a whole different story. I started to physically and mentally experience the challenge of going through the winter up here, my first in six year’s time. I started to question my choice of homeland again, at the same time as I missed my girlfriend and the dream we had just been living in.
In that same curve, I changed offices. We had gotten admitted to this great business incubator program, including desk space, and I left the cozy co-working space where I was surrounded by all the conscious people that inspired me so. I was alone again, in a new environment with new people, I felt anxious about the Swedish winter, I felt lonely and I was missing my girl. It was a bit too much at one time, and it kind of came as a wall that I just crashed into once I came back after the holidays. I was heavily struggling with motivation and I was everything but happy.
What always helps is to be transparent, and open up about what you’re feeling and what you’re struggling with, to the people around you. Sometimes being vulnerable is the best way to get support and help yourself through it (it is one of the reasons for why I have been writing so openly about my struggles on this blog). So I told my mom, my girlfriend, and my business partners. My girlfriend came to visit me that same weekend (last weekend), and my mom bought me a train ticket to come stay with her the following weekend. My business partners were very supportive and showed gratefulness and appreciation to me for having opened up, making me feel less alone in this.
Oh, and in the middle of it all, I had a random phone meeting with a person I had been connected with through a mutual friend. It was mind-blowing, he had gone almost the identical path as me, a few years before me. Same school, same employer after graduation, and he was even based in Barcelona during his last years just like me. From there he had also left the company to move back to Stockholm to start his own business, with his girlfriend still in Barcelona! It was incredible, it kind of felt like talking to my future self, and it felt so comforting. As I mentioned, he was a few years ahead of me and hearing the rest of his story and hearing how it all had worked out for him, gave me a big relief. I didn’t feel lonely on this journey anymore.
To sum it up, I wasn’t very mindful of how external and personal factors would affect me in my wellbeing and work, I initially just thought I could pull through it, but through opening up and daring to be vulnerable, I got a lot of support that helped me get back on the horse.
All love and no fear,